Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
