Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
