I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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