She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
