He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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