I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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