It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
