Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
