she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
