i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I have feelings that need drinking.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
