It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
