it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
