i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
