I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
