So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
