omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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