We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
