Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
