And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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