Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Alive.
So much puke
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
