Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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