I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
