I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
