Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
