I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you didnt know i had herpes?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
