I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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