That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
