I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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