i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
