I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
