That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
