Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
