I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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