I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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