im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
