i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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