ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
