I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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