i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
