so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
