go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
