i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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