My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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