I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just cropdusted the office
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
