So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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