Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You're a disaster
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