we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
