Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I smell like Dick and happiness
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
