dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
