dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
