they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
