i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
